Restoring my soul.

Well, another lot of school holidays are over. The cries and sighs of mothers can be heard all over Victoria, at last – peace in the house.

When I was younger and before I had children of my own and was still living in the fantasy world of the uninitiated; I wondered how parents could be so relieved to be rid of their own children. I would cry out in admonishment to my friends with children “but don’t you love them?” “How could you want to be without them?” You see kids have a way of challenging us adults, a way of making us look at ourselves through their behaviours and attitudes. Now I ‘get’ it, why it’s such a relief to be without them. People do not like to be shown their true faces, and children, especially our own are quite adept at pushing US out into the world.

Oh, How naive was I? Flick the forward switch 15 years, I am now a mother of 3 children, who I adore, really I do. However something happens to me on the last day of school, before holidays – a feeling of dread and darkness washes over me like brown foam on the sand. A feeling of heaviness, if I can just wade through each minute of every day then i will survive this.

That yelling and screaming I hear from them, has at some point come from me, out of my own mouth. Those words of boredom and derision are my words being repeated to me. That eye rolling and defiance and push and shove, have been mine at one point or another. Even the words that are uttered from their lips may have come from me as well.

After 2 weeks or 8 weeks straight of being shown our true colours, we are exhausted, and crying out for a break. This is why mothers sigh at school drop off and cry at school pick up. Too much introspection is not so good for our psyche. However a little at times does not hurt either.

I know it sounds awful to admit to and it probably is, but my children are challenging to me, I love each and every one of  them dearly and deeply.  They are too smart for me, you see, they know me.  They can tell when I just can’t play another game of Hungry Hippos, and then they beg for MORE.  They know when I’ve had enough finger painting, or knitting, or any other form of torturous art and craft they can think of, because they ask for MORE.  When they argue with each other or push and shove each other – it’s there way of asking for MORE.  More mum time, more attention, more, more and more.

Is it any wonder as to why – I am almost sobbing with delight at the mere thought of the first day of school.  My smile after they get out of the car is from ear to ear, I can now go home and face the trash pit that my house has become and try, in the six hours I have, to reassemble it to the treasured abode I want it to be.

However FIRST – a hot cup of coffee with a chocolate croissant, to be consumed without interruption.  That is heavenly.