Restoring my soul.

                                                                                                          Preface: I have been reading a few blogs and most people have written some letter to their sons about how to be a man and then some to their daughters about loving themselves first and I’ve been thinking that they somehow miss the mark. So this is  a letter to my sons and daughter.

To my darling children,

As your mum I can be prone to a touch of bias where you are concerned and I may be blind to your faults (yes you do have them, as we all do).  However I want to write to you all now as 2 of you are soon to be teenagers and to my 14 year old as the man you are becoming.

You are all unique, you all have your strengths and weaknesses however the base things that each of you will have to deal with in life despite your gender or your age are these.

BE KIND – to everyone, even if you don’t particularly like them or agree with them.  Always show your fellow humans basic kindness.  This is the batter of your cake mix, it’s what sticks it all together.  Without kindness in our hearts, we have uncertainty and fear.

RESPECT – yourself and others, everyone has a human right to be respected, even if it is just for the fact they are human.  If you show yourselves respect then it is easier to show to others.  Your bodies are yours to do with as you choose, that’s right you have a CHOICE as to how you allow others to treat you and how you treat yourself.  Be able to live with your choices and be happy.  Will you make the wrong ones, sure, at times, but you are all smart enough to learn from them.

 Sex! – this is a big topic and could take pages and pages to talk about – however again what it all comes back to is respect. Please if you feel you are ready to take this leap into the adult world, feel you can discuss it with me or your dad (yes dad too), we will squirm, we will probably umm and ahhh a bit too, however if you want total honesty or you just want to suss the whole concept out that is OK too.  Remember we were young once too.  My hope is that when you embark on this particular journey you choose (there’s that word again) someone you have been in a relationship with for a while (not a day) someone that respects you that you in turn respect, someone that holds you in high regard. Do not abuse the position you are in or the mutual power you both hold, sex is a big decision that first time and every time after it.  I am not naive enough to believe that you will wait til you are married before this happens (I’m not a hypocrite).  Although if you choose that path, I will support you in YOUR decision.  Especially for my daughter an aside, boys can be pains in the butt, there are a few special ones out there that will love you for WHO you are and not what you can give them, find those ones and leave the jerks alone.  

For my Boys, there are girls out there that will give you everything and anything you ask for, they will not challenge you or argue with you, they will be your doormat if you ask them to.  These girls need encouragement to stand up for themselves, be kind to these girls and never take advantage of them.  I want you to find a strong woman to marry, one that will challenge you, one that will help you grow as a person and one that will LOVE you all of you and treat you with kindness at all times.

SEXUALITY! – just a note on this, because there is a distinction between sex (the act) and your sexuality.  You may be anything you wish to be, you will most likely know by now or soon if you are straight, gay or otherwise affiliated. Whoever you choose to love, whoever chooses to love you, know that I will never judge you and I will defend the choices you make.  It is YOUR life my darlings – be happy with whoever you choose.  (now I know if you are gay, you will find opposition from some people that don’t know you – from church even from family… remember you don’t live your life to please shallow minded people).  

 Your body, your choice! Yes there it is, YOU CHOOSE who comes into your life, you choose how you deal with these people,  your body is yours to respect and hold in high esteem.  If anyone and I mean ANYONE attempts to use you or abuse your trust or seduces you into a situation that you are no longer happy or comfortable participating in I give you permission to WALK AWAY or RUN away using any level of force necessary.  I cannot say this enough if you RESPECT your body you will be more passionate about defending it.  To my boys especially, statistics show that you are more likely to find yourself in this type of position.  PLEASE tell ME or anyone else who will listen if this happens to you or anyone you know. 

CAREER! – hmmm here we go… one day soon – sooner than I am comfortable with, you will have left school and maybe even university and be entering the big wide world of work.  You will have crappy jobs, with shitty bosses that don’t care about you as a person and only want the product you provide, you will work with people that you want to poke in the eye with a pencil, I guarantee it.  However IF you are lucky you will score (eventually) a job in a field you LOVE and all of these things will be mere glitches on your radar of life.  Be passionate about your career choice, don’t be afraid to change it when it is no longer fulfilling.  You are NEVER concreted into your profession, it can change just as you will change as you grow.  Never fear change, it is a beautiful thing.  

CHANGE! on change it will happen, some of it will be lovely and uplifting; like a relationship, marriage, children(yes I have faith that you will make me a grandma one way or other.) a promotion at work, moving house, travelling.  All these things and many more I’m sure are positive happy hormone inducing changes.  However, there will be changes that are out of your control, that are sad, that are disappointing and that will cause you to pause for a minute and reassess your life. These changes are difficult, however they will often be the change that forms your personality for the better.  They will show you a strength inside you that you never knew was there before. So please embrace changes when they come and always take time to meditate on how they effect you and how you will deal with them.

Know that no matter what you decide, who you marry(if you marry), where you live in the World, or any path in life you take, I love you all equally fierce, I will protect you as much as I can and I will be the arms you fall into to cry.  I have your back all the time, I will never judge you unfairly, however I will tell you when I think you have done wrong.  Aside of that, I will send you out into the World on your own two feet with a good head on your shoulders, to make right choices about YOUR life.  You will take with you my love and my heart, plus hopefully some of the morals and values that I have worked so hard to instil in you. Grow in peace, and love.

Love Mum.