Restoring my soul.

I know there are a lot of pressures in our lives today, so many choices and so many opportunities that are laying at our feet.

It’s easy to lose sight of what’s important in the pursuit of acceptance and satisfying others expectations.

If you are in a partnership/relationship with a man (right now I’m being gender specific for a reason) Are you his soft place to fall? Can he come to you head in lap and talk about his inner most fears and failings?

When he tries to communicate his emotions do you inwardly dismiss them and him as being “needy” or “annoying” whilst outwardly appearing to be listening?

Do you know that he is struggling with something whether work related, or personal and haven’t broached the subject because of your own fears?  Please start a conversation today, right now with him.  Don’t judge, don’t try to solve anything and most of all don’t blame him or yourself.  Sit still, no distractions and LISTEN with open ears.  Don’t interrupt him, let him spill his guts and in so doing you give him the opportunity to be peaceful or see things in the light of day.

Ladies, it’s time for us to stop for a minute and re assess our relationships power base.  What are our expectations of our men?  Do we expect (because we’ve always been told to) that he will be the main income earner?  Do we expect him to be always strong and be there for us?  If we have children with him do we expect that he will always be around for them?  Ask yourself – what are your expectations of your man and challenge them.  Stand each one on its own and see if it sounds fair if you put you in his place instead.

It’s easy to say “love your man”, it’s another to actually really deeply love him into being a better version of himself.

The conversations lately have all been about us/women and how unfair life is to us.  How unequal our workplaces are, how fragile we are, how we need to be supported.  It’s been around Domestic Violence and how it effects women and children.  Men count too and they should not be lost in this conversation.  Is it statistically true that men are mostly the perpetrators of Domestic Violence in Australia? Yes.  However there is also a number of men that are victims as well, they don’t stand up as often as women because of stigma placed on them by society.

The conversation regarding our men and men in general should not be about painting them all as disgusting wife beaters who should all be jailed.  Or teaching our girls that the man she fell in love with will one day definitely turn around and hit her just because he’s a man and that’s what men do.

It’s also true that a majority of suicides are in young men aged 17-25 and the next greatest number in MEN aged 45-60.  Ladies this is NOT a male issue this is a HUMAN issue and we are part of the solution. On average, 1 in 8 men will have depression and 1 in 5 men will experience anxiety at some stage of their lives. ( http://www.beyondblue.org.au )In Australia, suicide is the leading cause of death for males and females aged between 15 and 44. In a typical year, about 2,500 people in Australia die by suicide. This is nearly seven people every day. For every suicide, there are tragic ripple effects for friends, families, colleagues and the broader community.

We must stand up for our men, we must let them know they have our support too.  

If you or anyone you know is suffering and needs someone to listen please call LifeLine 13 11 14.