Restoring my soul.

Yesterday’s blog promoted some unexpected “feedback” (don’t you love that politically correct term for criticism 🙂 )  I was reminded that everything I listed I had done and found to be “not for me” were choices that I had made.  It didn’t matter that I found out that I didn’t like the stuff I had tried or that it didn’t fit with my life at the moment.  What mattered the most was that I had tried them.

I had pushed out of my comfort zone and put myself out there into the world to do something challenging.  Something that the day before or even moments before I had doubts about whether I could accomplish them.  So this “feedback” prompted me to take a look back at all the other “choices” I had made throughout my life that had been the cause of great angst at the time but proved to be good for me choices.

Let’s begin with my move to Melbourne from a small country town, at the age of 24. This was a flip of the coin choice,(driven by the break up of a 6 year relationship)  heads I go North (where it’s warmer) or tails I go South (closer to family). Tails won and I headed off into the great unknown, no job, I had a place to stay thankfully for an uncle and aunt who opened their home and hearts to me.  I started temping for work almost immediately.  Christmas came and I was in Melbourne all alone (aunt and uncle went on holidays) I had to find my way around.  Then my dad got sick (really sick) and had to be airlifted to Melbourne and I had to deal with that on my own.  He was OK eventually and he went home.

I made another choice shortly after my move to Melbourne that changed my life forever, I went on a blind date, yep you heard right, a blind date.  A guy I worked with at the time told me about this great guy (his brother in law) who he thought could show me around Melbourne and maybe if things were good we could be together.  I was hesitant but I went on this date – both of us expecting it to be over by the end of dinner.  Well at 3am he finally dropped me at my door, he was back the next day after lunch to go out again.  We went out every day after that.  This is the guy I eventually married.  So that one choice to step out of my comfort zone set me on a path that I’m still traveling today.  that was 20 years ago, we have been married for 16 years and have 3 wonderful kids.  This choice is not a regret, but a gratitude.

There have been many choices within that journey, which house to buy, which job to take, do I stay at home (yes) with my babies this choice changed my career path but that’s OK.  I discovered a full on career was not for me, my kids were what drove me to get up in the mornings (usually with a smelly nappy to change).  My husband is of Greek descent and I eventually chose to convert to Eastern Orthodox, a religion that I had previously known nothing about.  My love for him and my need to feel a part of his traditions drove this choice.  Plus it was less confusing for the children who had been all baptised as Orthodox. Yes it was a choice, it wasn’t forced on me, I made it willingly and I love my new Faith.  It brings me closer to God and fills my soul with hope.

When I turned 40 I decided to begin a Degree, I always wanted to go to University but circumstances prevented it when i was younger.  I made the choice to start a Communications Degree with online universities.  I am almost finished, only 3 units to go and I’m done.  Did people call me crazy?  Yes they did, told me I already had enough on my plate.  I was determined, now I’ve questioned that choice ever since I made it, but I always come back to my inner self and my need to complete something that is for me and only me.  I may not work as a journalist outside this blog, but that is OK.  I’m putting out to the universe that a writing job in a not for profit business will come about soon.

So, what I’m trying to say is these choices I’ve made in my life have helped build on who I am, they have shaped my thoughts and feelings.  For those who only know the outside me, they see someone tough and unfeeling and perhaps cross with the world.  There are a few that have taken the time to dig beneath my surface and have found that the real me, the inner me is loving, caring, and somewhat determined to help anyone and everyone in any situation.  These people are few and I love them dearly and treasure their friendship more than anything.

My choices will continue to change me and challenge me to always improve and be a better person.  I hope that if you are reading this blog you may find some inspiration to continue your journey being true to yourself and don’t kick yourself too hard when things don’t go according to plan.