Restoring my soul.

The blinking cursor on the screen counts out the seconds, whilst I contemplate the text for today’s post. I realise that the past few weeks have been very deep and soul exposing and yet somewhat cathartic, a cleansing if you will of sadness and darkness.

There are going to be dark days moving forward I am aware of that, however I will continue my journey toward inner peace and wisdom one day, one step at a time. I don’t hold to the premise that once one begins a journey to inner peace that they will never see another sad day.  It comes to the attitude that surrounds the recovery of happiness.

There is a saying that one is not judged on their falling down but on how they rise again or some sought. I have fallen and gotten up more times this year than I can count.  Each time with an invigorated determination to find and fulfil my hearts desires.  I am my harshest critic and my biggest judge, I must learn to be kinder to myself and allow myself mistakes and wrong turns, for none of us are  perfect, we all have inner failings some are secret and known only to us.

I’ve been watching a lot of @KirstyTV on youtube.com, Kirsty talks about shedding our secrets and opening them up to the world, she builds on Brene Brown’s vulnerability theory that there is strength in being vulnerable and that is wrong to equate vulnerability with weakness.  I have been guilty of seeing myself as weak after a fall or a lapse.  After last week’s sharing though I feel chastened by the love and support I have received from some not so obvious (to me) sources.

I found in my unburdening that people I had kept on the fringe of my life were waiting for a green light from me to come in to my circle.  You see I had allowed fear and shame to stop me from making more friends, from allowing more people in to my life.  By opening myself up I allowed them the freedom to ask if I was OK, I opened the door of my circle and my heart is open.  By allowing myself to be vulnerable, to be raw, the many healers in my world were able to assist in my recovery.

If I had stayed closed, if I had stayed hidden – I would never have learned this lesson so thoroughly, so lovingly and so majestically.  We all have secrets that in our heads feel insurmountable, that the thought of sharing with anyone is so daunting, that we hold onto them, like a life raft to our pain.  I urge you to find someone close to share your secret with and watch your world open.  Don’t be afraid of judgement that may never come.

Namaste