Self doubt plagues even the most “successful” among us. It is that tiny voice in our head that says “you can’t”, ” you are not good enough”, or “why you?” It stops us being our true selves or for going for that dream we think we really want. Self doubt can be crippling, it can cause a paralysis far greater than the loss of movement in our limbs. It creates a cessation to creativity, a cavern of darkness that can stop us in our tracks. When encumbered by self doubt our thought processes change, they turn into self blame and self disgust. We stop focusing on the outside world or on what we can control and focus inward and cast a questioning glance towards ourselves. We become our own blockade to success and sometimes need help to get out of our own way.
You may have noticed an absence of my presence lately, due in part to having very busy children and a busy work schedule. Also due to allowing myself to doubt me. I used work, the kids, the house, activity to be an excuse to not fulfilling or achieving my goal. Due to not feeling capable, by doubting my ability to convey the message that I want you the reader to receive. I forgot the purpose of my journey, I allowed self doubt to creep in and take hold and the universe answered with “excuses” to help me avoid working on my goal of becoming a better Coach.
The year is running out faster than I can keep up with it and my goal looks like it is slipping through my fingers. So the question is why at this crucial time in planning has my self doubt doubled down and handed me a challenge I thought was insurmountable? Things got tough, they weren’t living up to my expectations, does this happen to you too? When you hit a rough patch and things aren’t working out the way you planned? I began to blame myself, I beat myself up, I questioned my commitment; my ability; my tenacity; my right to exist even. I allowed the self doubt demon to take hold and set up camp in my mind.
It was a dark month – let’s just say things did not go well in the business area of my life. I focused on my ‘day job’ and made inroads with a new manager – ahhh a mini success. I focused on my children – they got to all their activities and events on time – ahhh a mini success. I focused on the housework – my house is more organised (well parts of it anyway) – ahhh a mini success.
What is the message here? The things you focus on are the things you will succeed at. Why did these things succeed where my goal of a Coaching business is flailing? Not only and because of the focus I gave to them, but also my belief in myself to be capable of achieving them alongside the sense that these are the only things I am worthy of being successful at. You see believing in your goal alone is not enough, you must also believe wholeheartedly that YOU are valuable enough to deserve that success.
You must be prepared to reach out for help during times of self doubt. A trusted friend, a mentor, a supportive spouse and ask them to remind you of why you want that particular goal. Which means you had to have enlisted their help from the beginning of the journey and have been communicating with them throughout the process of all your ups and downs.
So how did I break this cycle? How am I back here at my keyboard moving forward? A random email from a Coaching friend (who had no idea of my issue) where she sent encouraging words of affirmation – words that were unbid from me. The Universe works in mysterious ways my friends and it is ours for the taking.
I love Marianne Williamson’s popular and inspirational quote: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Please connect with the community over on our facebook page @chrysalis1consulting and join in the conversation.
Restoring my soul. 