Restoring my soul.

For those few treasured readers, you may have noted a change to the appearance and name of this blog. This was inspired by a shift in my universe toward wanting to be more vulnerable and share more about my heart’s desires and wishes for my world and in turn your world.

This blog has always been a way for me to share myself with you, to spill the beans, so to speak, on the many thoughts rattling around in my brain.  I have shared my hurts and my happiness, my pain and my joy.  I hope to continue to do so with brute honesty and illicit fear.  I want to create a conversation around the women we thought we would become when we were young, to the reality of now.  A community of people sharing their thoughts and dreams.  Someone said a long time ago “it takes a village to raise a child”, I believe it takes a village to nurture humanity one person at a time.  Let’s build this village together.

I have lived my life in a bubble of my own making, surrounded by a belief about the woman I would grow to be.  At some time somewhere I told myself a story about who I should be, shaped at the time by the people around me and possibly formed in my earlier years.  I was going to be Carol Brady and Elizabeth Walton combined – a homemaker, a mother, a charitable person.  I would have a few very good friends and do dinner parties and carpool.  I had no aspiration at the time to be a “career woman” or a “business woman”, until I saw the movie Working Girl as a much older teenager.  Then I thought I would just somehow add smart administration worker to my list of women I had to be.  The thought of “dressing up for work” was empowering.  I never gave much thought to the “wife” role I thought I would play.  To my very young mind, the man I married would be just like Mr Brady, working a lot and appearing in times of trouble to sort out rowdy kids or offer a hug or two.

I realise that both Carol and Elizabeth had a lot of household assistance and did not hold jobs outside the home and yet managed to find great fulfilment in their role as homemaker, wife and mother.  Oh, how I wish that I still held the level of fulfilment in these roles alone, as I used to.  My life would be much less complex and a whole lot simpler. Alas, alack, the Carol/Elizabeth combo is dying inside me and I am wanting to become an @BreneBrown/@MelRobbins/@Oprah/@Gabby Bernstein combination instead. Wise, vulnerable, intelligent, caring, serving, fully voiced, at peace and an expert in something worth sharing.

My heart cries out for more, more ways to be of service, more ways to offer my assistance to others, more ways to be fulfilled.  However, my body and my mind yearn for peace.  Where do I find the balance? Where is the midsection to these two conflicts that will help me to grow?  The Universe continues to place challenges in my way, to force me to learn lesson’s and remove blocks to my continued development.  I want to shout, “I give up” in one breath and “give me more” in the other. What’s a girl to do but write it out, scream it out to the world.  One day, someone will hear and take my hand and walk alongside and boost me up – perhaps the Universe has already provided these people – perhaps, or maybe that person is you?