Restoring my soul.

I have been thinking on this for a while now.  I have 2 young children in Primary school, they go to a “good” Catholic School.  My Daughter now in Grade 6 suffered at the hands of bullies for the whole year of Grade 4, they systematically removed every shred of her self worth and confidence.  Everyday they destroyed any good thought she had about herself, to the point she was asking how to die.  Both she and I wrote email after email – daily – to her teacher, to the vice principal, to the Principal, every response was “we are working on it”, “we are mediating with the girls”.  All this did was make it worse.  It wasn’t until towards the end of the year that I found out that the one person that should have been told about the bullying had indeed NOT been informed, the “Student Wellbeing Co-Ordinator” had placed my Daughter in a Grade 5 class with the very girl that had instigated the posse of children that had been bullying my daughter all year.  Have you ever seen a woman fly?  Well that was me that day, I flew into the office at school and vehemently demanded a meeting with the SWC – I demanded that my daughter not be in the classroom with that girl for another year.  So what do they do, to avoid it appearing that my daughter had “dobbed” they moved HER into another classroom.  Further enforcing the message that my daughter was at fault for the bullying.  

Fast forward to Grade 6 – this year, new teacher who is AMAZING! She has a zero tolerance for bullying and really enforces self esteem, my daughter is on the mend thanks to this wonderful woman, who just “get’s it”.

Now my son who has High Functioning Aspergers Syndrome, Oppositional Deficit Disorder and OCD is in year 4 this year at the same school.  Due to his Aspergers he takes things literally, a rule is a rule, why would you break it?  There are boys that are making his life hell at play time.  He refuses to go to school and has repeatedly asked me to move him to another school, when I explain he can’t take his friends with him he changes his mind.  

I have spoken to the school now 3 times, they have reassured me that my son’s issue will be looked into and investigated further.  Some of their solutions are “maybe he can play somewhere else away from those boys” or “he can find different friends” or “he can walk the yard with the teacher”.  REALLY?  the solution is to further victimise the victim, let’s humiliate them and make them an even bigger target by advertising the fact that people are being mean to them.

What needs to be done!  The issue is as complex as there are days in the week, however there are solutions that do not make the victim the one at fault or the one that needs removing from the problem.

Counsel the bullies and their parents – children learn their behaviour from someone, it may not be a parent they are copying it may be another care giver or family member an older sibling a neighbour or even a teacher, yes teachers can be bullies too.

REMOVE the bullies from the playground, advertise that they did something WRONG! Make examples, suspension with counselling, return to school on the provision they continue the counselling.  

Teachers need to undergo training on how to really deal with the issue.  Schools all have bullying policies that are hidden in the bottom desk drawers of Principal’s offices gathering dust, they are rarely implemented, but highly talked about when trying to “sell” the school to potential parents.

EVERY school needs 1 child advocate per classroom in the school – a teacher, an aide, an older student, someone that any child can approach and report instances of bullying.

It is important here to realise that bullying is NOT an Government issue – it is EVERY PERSON’s Issue, even in the workplace we turn a blind eye, we have an “OH it’s not happening to me so it’s not my business” attitude.  Well it’s time to STOP it, It’s TIME to stand up against the bullies in the world, the ones on the playground, the ones in the workplace and even the one’s in our homes.

Every bully has a parent, or a caregiver, they need to be part of the solution, they need to be made aware, forcefully if necessary, that their son or daughter is behaving in an unacceptable way and that things need to change.

If you would like further information about bullying in school look up your State Education Departments website or the Catholic Education Association in your State.

For information on bullying of kids on the Spectrum check out

amaze.org.au

Thank you.