Restoring my soul.

A big part of my recovery and soul searching has been rediscovering the things that I truly find peace and enjoyment in pursuing. Also as important discovering the things in my life that no longer serve me and ridding myself of those things.

Negativity and negative self talk have been my main companions for countless years. They have stopped me from pursuing dreams and trying new adventures. Sometimes the negativity came from other people’s doubts. This was especially true if they couldn’t find value for themselves in my pursuits. Ridding myself of these thoughts has not been simplistic or easy.

There are days where I will avoid writing because I don’t feel I have anything of value to share with my reader. Writer’s block will paralyse my creativity. I sit and stare at a flashing cursor on a blank screen for hours at a time. I wish and pray for some form of understandable thought to appear as if by magic on the screen.

My current struggle with negative self talk is around my weight and activity levels. This includes my physical ability to complete a basic beginners workout. It also involves preparing healthy meals that will sustain me and be edible. I hear myself saying to myself “You are just old and fat. You are not getting any younger. Your body won’t bend like that. You are too weak to lift weights. Why bother trying? You will just give up in a week”.

I have needed to do some straight talking to myself to shock myself out of negative thought patterns. I need to talk TO myself and stop listening to myself. How would that sound? “Lisa, you are amazing, you are so strong, you are capable of doing that workout, take a walk, every movement is a success to be celebrated”.

Of course my negative self talk is not just around my body image or my self worth, it also attacks my intelligence and my ability to write or connect with an audience. Imposter syndrome rears its ugly head each time I think about opening a business or counselling others. “Who do I think I am”? Then I have to interrupt that train of thought. I remind myself that I have a university education. I also have real life experiences in what I am talking about. I am kind and empathetic. My friends have benefited from my advice for free for years and years. I have the track record in being successful at knowing when to cut my losses and when I need to persevere with something.

Why is it important to understand your own self worth and to re evaluate the activities and connections in your own life that offer you peace? It is important because this understanding shapes who we are, it determines how we show up in the world and how we treat other people in our orbit. How we feel about our selves, our work, our bodies, our intelligence effects how other people see us, do they find us honest, caring, someone they can trust, someone who they would follow or listen to and action our advice. Or do they see someone who is acting or shallow who doesn’t really believe what they are saying?

If you can cultivate and rebuild your self worth than so many things will happen for the better in your life, least of all the way you see yourself in your own orbit. You can walk into a room full of strangers with your head held high and exude confidence and your smile reaches your eyes shows others that you care about yourself and your dreams and/or business.

I journal my way into believing the positive in my life and my psyche. Writing down all of my thoughts and feelings helps me find the truth. It also helps me discard the lies that I tell myself. I love a good pro and con list or belief and disbelief list. However, sometimes the same thing can end up switching sides on any given day. It depends on how I woke up that morning.

A new habit I am building is journalling morning and night. This way, I can celebrate my successes of the day every night. It reinforces that I am capable and smart. I have the ability to learn. The morning journal focuses on my fears and struggles. It helps by brain dumping my day onto paper. I also incorporate a positive affirmation into my morning routine. Evening journal is all about celebration, gratitude and mind clearing.

I verbalise my positive thoughts to anyone who will listen. I even speak them to myself when I am on my own. Saying things out loud and hearing them rebound back to your own ears solidifies the thought as reality. It buries it into your subconscious. There is some science, that explains it in a very technical way and talks about neural pathways and connecting synapses and frontal lobe engagement. But that is just a fancy way of saying it helps rewire the brain.

My next series of posts will explore Neuro linguistic pathway growth and stimulation. I will put “the brain rewiring” into layman’s terms. This will make it more accessible to the masses. Also how it impacts on trauma recovery and physiological health. There may be some science, I apologise in advance for the big words.

Enjoy your week.